Frustration #002

I wonder about the link between female low self esteem and feminine characters in movies. Women have to take their clothes off to be an action hero. They have the be stupid or a complete uptight bitch to be in a comedy. They have to be insecure with some kind of haunting story from their past to be in a romantic comedy. Women are far less likely to be anything more than a one dimensional role in a movie.

Elderly women are the only ones who can be kind and sweet just for the sake of it. They can help, offer advice without any suspicion of an ulterior motive.

If a girl in a movie is beautiful, she is either a slut, stupid or a bitch OR (bonus) a slutty, stupid bitch.

If a girl is intelligent, then all she craves is romance and the attention of a man.

If she’s confident, she’s a bitch.

Where are all the positive multi dimensional role models in film? Nowhere.

*sigh*

A Little Something For The Not Faint Of Heart #001

I have been thinking about 'days' lately. The days that change our lives. You never know when you're in one until it's too late and you remember them for the rest of your life.
Time doesn't stop. It doesn't slow or skip. It hurdles forth like a bull charging at its target.
The phrase "the bottom fell out" describes the exact feeling of when you realise everything has changed. Your stomach feels like you swallowed a rock and your insides feel like they've gone three rounds with Wolverine's adamantium claws.
Hearing that someone is dead, hurt, leaving, has cheated or even angry or sad can change everything. It's like your life is laid out in front of you like a deck of cards and hearing any of those words feels like someone reshuffled the entire deck and laid them out again. Some of the cards may be the same, but everything looks different.
I fear those days. I've had them before and I wish I could live my whole life never having one again. If something happened to my kids, my husband, my parents, my brothers, my family or friends... just reading that back over I realise how arogant it makes me sound. I feel like I'm so important and above other people that I don't want anything happen to any of those people... I mean.. that's a lot of people. People all over the world live with pain, suffering and grief everyday, why should be exempt from that? What makes me more deserving than them?
Now this is going to sound really horrible, but I could live with some kind of special blessing of protection over just my kids and my husband. If something bad happened to them I don't know if I could live.
I would grief and be devastated if something bad happened to my parents etc, but I would be able to salvage my life again.

Sex #001

I'm listening to Dr.Laura Berman talk about sex and how to talk to your kids about sex. Specifically teenagers having sex. It's so interesting because as a teenager sex wasn't something I realistically thought about. ALL my friends were having sex and were dating these guys who were jerks and all of them were older than us. Now, I wasn't the prettiest girlie when I was younger. I like to characterize it like this: "I didn't go through puberty very well". I had braces, bottom and top, thick glasses, acne and I was overweight. Haha. It sounds like I'm describing someone else but technically all of theses things are true. I mean, I was awkward around boys. I didn't trust them at all because teenage boys are mean. I was bullied by my friend's boyfriends. They called me "fatty" and I was even called "pizza face" by my friends - man, kids are cruel. I didn't even kiss a boy until I was 19.
I wonder if I had been more attractive whether I would have done it. I had no self esteem as a young teenager and only gained it with age and life experience. I know most young girls have sex because they're getting all their self confidence from the boys who real off the compliments.
I just want my daughters to know that they're self worth is not dictated by men or boys. I want them to know that sex shouldn't be something that you have to lie about or feel shame about. Sex should be something you do with someone you love and care about. That it carries a great emotional responsibility because the feelings of rejection and loose that you feel if a relationship ends or someone you loved casts you aside are very intense and painful. I want them to hold the reigns on their own sexuality and not give this precious gift called Love to the first boy who tells them they have a pretty smile.

A couple of things about my day:

• I did finger painting with Evey when Annie was down for her first nap of the day.
• I pumped an ounce of breast milk with a hand pump while making a cheese quesadilla for lunch with the kids sat at the dining room table.
• I have a huge pile of laundry on the ping pong table, waiting for be put away. I feel like it's staring at me.
• I could kill my neighbour right now.
• I hate that the new MSN isn't working with the church server.

Frustration #001

My hair is straight. Straight straight straight. It doesn’t do curly. It doesn’t have a wave to it, it doesn’t curl under at the ends. My hair has a will of its own and an attitude to boot.

I can spend hours curling it, or use all manner of fancy beautiful hair accessories to form some celebritized “up-do”. It doesn’t make a difference. The curls fall out, the “up-do” becomes a “down-do” and I’m left looking like I have been dragged through a hedge backwards.

I will never have glamorous hair. I have had many occasions when I have seen these stylish women with their perfect hair and wished it could be me. But my hair can apparently read my mind and wants to sabotage my attempts to look like anyone but myself.